One Month and 3 Days Later..

A couple of days ago, I found myself asking again, am I being useful..?  Questioning my purpose every hour of the day... always returning to a deep sense of waste.  This past weekend I followed my friend, Travis, meeting his family.  The Schattle family was very kind and welcoming.  Travis and I drank most of Friday and Saturday.  He had told most of his family about my travels, on a bike.  His father, who was a cyclist himself, was quite impressed, and mentioned he would love to do something like I had.  These positive comments of admiration helped my self-esteem... but now that I was "quitting" this second adventure I had started, so easily...without putting up a fight...I felt like I was doing an injustice, to myself, and the others who support and follow me.

Monday night, I found myself looking for something to watch...  Something to shut off the thoughts that had been running all weekend.  I found a movie I had seen before, but hadn't really paid much attention to the first time around.  180 Degrees South.  After watching this film, and thinking about the conversations I have had with people in the past week(s),  I knew I needed to get back on the road..soon.  Not because I miss it.  Not because I am uncomfortable with my current situation... but because I can't quit.  I haven't given the struggle a chance, really.  The adventure lives in the continued journey.  Up to this point, making it to Lubbock...I have had a safety net of sorts.  With this next state the adventure is about to enter...that safety net will be in a position to expand.

I know I will probably have to get a ride at some point, as I have in the past, I don't see that as quitting though.  In my mind, that is part of what this is all about.. meeting other people.  Allowing our lives to merge... to allow growth and understanding.

At some point in the past month, I had lost the energy of living day to day, alone.  I wanted to just be comfortable.  fed.  warm.  in good company.  in a car.  with friends.  having a good time.  I am still really enjoying the company, and the couch... but, when I go back to the question of purpose...  adventure is the answer... some day, I would love to guide adventures in the great outdoors... in between my time enjoying laughs with friends and family in the comforts of a large, warm home.  I can't quit on myself now...not while I can still keep on.  The adventure is about the day to day... the unknown and how you deal with it.   When you start to let anticipation eat you away, the adventure becomes a chore.

"It is not about getting there, it is about how you got there"

I strongly encourage you watch 180 Degrees South (Netfilx)
here is the trailer...
http://www.180south.com/trailer.html

So here is to the day to day.  Striving on.  Purpose and growth.